At a loss

วันที่ 1

Today is day one—a day of reckoning, I hope. It’s been a long, arduous road coming to this realization. I’m in pain. Both mentally and emotionally. I’ve spent years recklessly spending money and despite having one narrow miss after another, I’ve managed to avoid hitting rock bottom—until now, that is. I own a nice home, drive a nice car, and have nice things. But at what expense? I feel overwhelmed and deflated. Down-trodden and lost. If I continue down this path, all of those things I’ve worked so hard for will disappear in a matter of moments. What started as winning thousands had turned into a fast downward spiral, draining most of my savings and leaving me in a pile of debt. After losing $8k yesterday, I knew it was time for a major adjustment. When you’re up it seems like you’re unstoppable but when you’re down, the walls really start to close in on you. You start chasing the money, desperately trying to catch up—to make yourself whole again. You’ll blame the losses on bad luck and swear that luck had to change at some point—that you’re due. It’s all a ruse, though. A vicious and repetitive cycle—a complex curse cast upon you by a cruel and wicked temptress. A devil in a red dress. She’s disarming, alluring, and filled with promise but underneath it all hides a dark fucking pit of despair—an all-consuming abyss. Here I am: swallowed up, withered bones and all. I’m just hoping it spits me out on the other side where things aren’t so hazy—so damn empty. I keep thinking “what have I done?” Even more so, “WHY have I done this?” Exclaiming to myself that I don’t have a problem and that it’s just a bad run of luck. What a crock of shit. I’m tired of lying to myself and, at last, it’s time to confront this demon. I feel absent in my personal life and totally consumed by my losses. I can barely face myself at this point and, honestly, I have no clue why I’m turning to Reddit. I guess I just need to dump all of this somewhere in the anonymous world—a place others are hurting, too, and maybe hope to find some solace and clarity in an unlikely place. I can overcome this. I can live with myself and my mistakes and move on to a better place in this world. It’s just going to take some time and diligence. Stay strong, fellow degens. We’re better than this. submitted by /u/wit_of_the_staircase [comments]

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