I got into gambling after seeing all my friends do it on nights out and seeing their highs and lows and for a while it just seemed stupid until I finally said fuck it ill give it one go. Unfortunately I won. Fast forward a few months and i realized i am losing all the time and should stop. Stopped for about two/three months until I relapsed around the holidays. First day of relapse I won bigger than I ever had before- and was hooked more than EVER before. Fast forward to now I’ve lost thousands chasing that high. Broke now, feel like a bum for not seeing it coming. Sad thing is i hear about friends winnings and it pisses me off- how can they do it and walk away on top but I can’t. But thats just the game for some I suppose. I got 2 days clean and relapsed again last night. Was extremely tempted to bet again today but didn’t, not sure if it was out of will power or the fact I pretty much can’t even afford another bet (have outstanding fees that equal the rest of my money). I’ve decided I’m going to join a meeting tomorrow. I’ve tried talking to friends about it but for some dumb reason I keep falling back on my ass. Sad thing is I don’t even want to quit deep down – I crave that rush. But enough is enough this clearly has the potential to get worse even though it feels like it couldn’t possibly get worse. It’s hard to admit how out of control it’s gotten. To whoever is trying to quit I wish you the best of luck and I will say it helps a lot to know there are loads of people like me on this sub sharing their stories and tips. Tomorrow’s a new day, time to stop living in yesterday’s darkness.
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